I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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