What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
