nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
