i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
