There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
