Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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