my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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