Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
birth control should be required to get into college
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
