Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
