bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
