but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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