Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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