Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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