jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
