I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They took my balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
