Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
