yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
