I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
