My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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