Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
