apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
