ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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