I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
