Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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