How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
