I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
