I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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