I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
