I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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