I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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