I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
