Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
