apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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