She is in my trunk
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
