I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
