If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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