I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
