apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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