so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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