nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
