He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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