Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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