I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Found your dick twin last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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