8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
