you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
