When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
