I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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