Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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