I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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