Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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