well you can't waste a boner
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
