apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
