you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
