I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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