hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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