There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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