In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
