All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
