i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
