this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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