I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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