So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My bed smells like the plague
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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