am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
