I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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