the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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