I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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