went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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