i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
