And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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