I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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