Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
