There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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