I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
