Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
