He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize