I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
