Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
