Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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