I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
