i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
