I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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