What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
