Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
