Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
