Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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