One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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